EMERGENCY EARTHQUAKE PLAN

You're lying in bed, watching tv, waiting with intense anticipation to see who will get kicked off the Bacholerette tonight. Or perhaps you are sitting on the couch, eating a sandwich, talking to an old friend on the phone about who they think will get kicked off the Bacholerette tonight. Or even, you could be alone in your room, wearing ladies underwear and high heels singing Dream On by Aerosmith, while watching the Bacholerette of course. I mean, come-on, your not a crazy person. All of these are great options to spend your time. None of them however prepare you for the following:

Suddenly the house starts to shake. The pictures on the wall sway and finally crash to the ground. The dishes in the cupboard rattle like never before. Its really happening. Its an earthquake. Do you have a plan to get yourself, and your family safely to a computer to update Facebook?

"Earthquakes happen when you least expect them," says senior seismologist Ryan"San-Andreas" Cunningham. "Take the other day for instance. I was mowing the lawn minding my own business when the stupid lawn mower shoots a stick into my shin. I bend over to rub my leg and hit my head on the mower handle causing me to stumble back and step into some dog poo. I immediately look down and make an exaggerated sigh and swing my fist absentmindedly into the air, hitting a hornets nest. I ran to the door as fast as I could only to realize I locked myself out of the house. I did what any able minded person would do and dove through my nieghbors window, landing right on their lifelong collection of thumb tacs from around the world."
"Man," I thought, "What's next, an earthquake? But guess what, didnt happen. Point Proven."

This is why every person needs an emergency plan for when a big one strikes. You dont want to be in your living room when the foundation of your house starts to give way and you get that deep terrible gut wrenching feeling that you left your computer upstairs. How will anyone on the internet know you just survived a magnitude 3.72!

That's why its important every family sits down and discusses a detailed plan. Daddy runs to his smart phone, Mommy grabs the lap-top, Junior uses his I-phone and Sally bravely sits at the family's desk top computer as the walls shake and crumble around her. This way, all of your avenues for a proper facebook update are covered. The family back in Wisconsin is never going to believe this!

Also, for safety reasons, its recommended that you get between a doorframe. And Bonus! Being inbetween two rooms helps with the wi-fi connection. It also adds to the depth of your post.

"Man, thank god I made it to the doorframe just in time. My keys rattled right off my dresser. I cant even imagine what would have happened had I been sitting under that dresser. CRAZIEST. QUAKE. EVER."

That's right folks. Its so important to plan for these things. Earthquakes will always be with us, but updating your facebook status is as fleeting as a piece of dust in the wind. Be Smart. Be Prepared.