Hey there consumer. Still watching that 3-D television like an idiot? Are all your friends and neighbors constantly talking about you and laughing at you behind your back because they think you must be a time traveler cause the only reason you watch a lame ass 3-D TV is because you're from the past? 3-D TV's are sooo May 2010. And, news flash, last time I checked it was June 2010. Wake up! Stop living in the past, my man! Its time to start living in the now.
"3-D is great, because it gives the illusion of really being in the television program you are watching," says Sony executive vice president, Daniel Armstrong. "But its just been missing that extra something. That is...UNTIL NOW!"
Introducing Sony's newest television viewing experience. The 4-D Television.
For far too long tv's have only stimulated 3 senses: Sight, Hearing and Boredom. Last time I checked, we have nearly 11 senses and science is predicting we've only found the tip of the senses iceburg! That's why Sony technologies has successfully invented the ultimate home theater! It has booming sound! BOOOM! It has a crystal clear 1080i screen with a complete 3-D experience. CLARITY! And lastly, it has Steve, the 4th dimension technician who will move into your home with you to ensure every program is viewed to its sensory peak.
Watching a show about dolphins? Every 10 minutes or so, Steve will throw a cup of water in your face! Just like you were swimming with real live dolphins! Astounding!
Watching your favorite afternoon program, COPS? Steve will run across the room and tackle you every single time someone gets arrested. Its like your really there! Just no life annoying life sentence afterwards!
Oprah fan are you? Steve will sit on the couch holding your hand and cry the whole time with you. And look under your seat. Did Oprah leave you one of her favorite things under there? OH MY, a gift just for you! But dont thank Oprah. Steve will wrap up a little something so you can open up presents just like you were a real Oprah Audience member. Hope you like dog food!
Watching an exciting forensic show on tv, such as CSI Miami? Well during particularly intense shoot outs, Steve will fire on you mercilessly with a paintball gun from practically point break range until a commercial break. Better hope that commercial doesnt involve automatic weapons, HA!
In the mood for something scary. Steve will leave you alone while you watch these. He doesnt usually like scary movies. Either that or he is just finding the perfect place to hide in your closet so that right before you fall asleep he can jump out dressed like a madman with a chainsaw and pretend murder you! You can relive the unbelievable terror you experienced just moments before! Spectacular!
Watching a romantic comedy with that special someone? Steve will run his fingers through your girlfriend's hair and rub her shoulders for hours telling her how beautiful she is and how underappreciated she is and how good she looks in the light of a 4-D television and how no-one understands her like Steve does and how Steve's parents have an island in the Carribean and Steve can go there like anytime he wants.
Upset that Steve hooked up with your girlfiend? Put on some UFC and get rid of that extra anger with some gratitous violence. Oh, watch out for Steve now. Looks like he's got that choke hold on you pretty good there. Probably best not to fight it and just pass out already.
Angry that Steve took your unconscious body and threw it in the trashcan outback, changed all the locks to your house and moved in with your girlfriend? Well, you wont get that level of emotions on a plain old ordinary 3-D tv, I'll tell you that right now.
Buy the Sony 4-D TV and stop simply watching TV and start LIVING TV!
Also, it is recommeded that you set aside a small corner in a room of your choice for Steve to live in. Make sure Steve is well fed. Try to avoid direct eye contact with Steve. Don't discipline Steve if you catch him stealing money from your purse. Steve is a talker so make sure you are a listener. Steve doesnt like bright lights, loud music, or waking up before noon. Steve requires hot water in his shower, so dont shower first if you dont have a dependable water heater. But most of all Steve loves to love! He also loves tv and will make sure you do too!*
*Sony enterprises recommends you do not watch any shows with the following themes:
Gangs
High Speed Car Races
Vampires
War Fighting
Blunt Objects
Fire
Football Games
Soft Core Pornography
Sorcocery
Sharp Objects
Water in excess of 10 gallons.
Deadliest Catch
and many many others.
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