Vegas. Its a get out of jail free kind of town. Do whatever you want. Whenever you want. However you want. Feel like standing through the sunroof of a limo yelling swear words at pedestrians while you chug a bottle of tequilla? Itchin to roam free in the streets with a yard glass of pure grain alcohol wearing nothing but a speedo? Dying to squirt a homeless guy in the face with a bottle of Mustard? Well you certainly arent gonna do these things in New Hampshire my friend. For that kind of craziness, you gotta head to Vegas.
Vegas is the ultimate "do as you feel" town. There aren't rules or laws anywhere, more like general guidelines, such as: Dont take a cop's taser gun and shoot a stranger in the face with it. Frowned upon. Pooping in public is tolerated, but definitely not officially sanctioned. Also, I'm fairly certain there is a speed limit on the streets, but whatever. Yes, Vegas is the only place where the one rule is that there are no rules...except at the tables in the casino.
This is the only place in Vegas where rules are enforced with the absolute strictest sense of the word. Keen table manners are an absolute must. Here is an excerpt from last week to prove my point.
Dealer: Congratulations sir, you have 21.
Me: Why thank you garcon, let me just reach across and grab those chips from you.
Dealer: Sir, you cannot grab the chips until I remove your cards.
Me: Oh, sorry didnt really realize there are rules here.
Dealer: Well be mindful it doesnt happen again.
Me: Okay well here is a tip for you for the twenty-one
(I attempt to hand him a one dollar chip)
Dealer: Please place it on the table and slide it over to me.
Me: Wow really, thats a rule too. Do you guys have these rules posted somewhere.
Dealer: No, this is Vegas. Players are expected to be gentlemen.
Me: Reeeeally, cause I am 100% certain that I just saw the guy sitting next to me do a line of blow off of a dead guy's arm. I'm pretty sure he is a coke-head and possibly a zombie. The dude across the table over there just exposed himself to a senior citizens convention for over an hour. And I saw a guy earlier who was having his kids eat handfuls of dirt outside the hotel because he needed to save money for the tables. So I'm pretty sure I'm in the clear here with the whole gentleman situation.
Dealer: Well, point taken sir. Just be mindful of the rules.
(Deals another pair of cards, I have 15, he has an ace facing up...standard)
Me: Hit me.
Dealer: Sir, you must scratch the table with your fingers towards you if you would like another card. Its the sign for hit me. Are you certain you are a qualified enough gentleman to even be in Vegas? Your table prowess is quite sub par.
Me: Seriously guy? My table prowess is subpar? That dude over there at the roulette table just full-on peed on a slot machine thinking it was a urinal. That fella over there just punched a waitress in the face cause he said being named Holly is bad luck in December, nevermind that its June. And if the guy next to me doesnt stop taking off his underwear and putting in in his mouth, I'm seriously gonna flip my s*&t. Where am I failing at this gentlemanly issue.
Dealer: Well sir, aside from your horride table manners, you also have been playing this entire time without any pants on, you have a piece of pepperoni stuck to your face that smells like its been there for 2 days, and I keep seeing your picture on the news because a warrant is out for your arrest for pooping in public. I wouldnt call that gentlemanly, would you?
Me: Well my good man, I cant argue with that. But, in my defense, I can say that I could have sworn pooping in public was simply just frowned upon.
Dealer: Ah those were the good old days!
Me: I'll say!
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